Labels can hurt: A letter from a mom who overcame labels

Whoever you are reading this letter, I want you to get your mind off of politics, numbers, percentages and just take the time to drift back into your school years, preferably middle and high school.

Do you remember how each child including yourself were labeled by the adults and often times by other children as well? Labeled as smart at this, not so smart at that and so forth and so on.

As an immigrant who arrived in the United States as child, I remember very well being placed in the ESOL program (English Speakers of Other Langugages) the moment I started school. They didn’t even want to give me the chance to prove my capabilities of leaning a new language on my own.

And to be quite frank, the ESOL program hurts more kids than it actually helps. It makes children comfortable with only speaking the language that they currently speak especially if that language is Spanish. It also separates children from English speaking students hence delaying the learning process.

Nevertheless, after three months of being part of the program and being in a classroom with other students that didn’t speak English just as I didn’t along with a teacher that had no desire to actually teach, at 14 years old I decided it was time to say good bye to ESOL.

I realized that I would be comfortable like every one else that participated in the ESOL program and I would never truly learn as much English as I wanted to.

After eight months without attending ESOL classes and without seeing Miss Morales face ( the teacher who had no desire to teach lol ) I became fluent not only in English but in Spanish as well.

I could read and write in both languages and it was all my effort. Yes, I studied hard but I can say I had an advantage over the other kids who stayed in the program and didn’t become as fluent as I did.

My advantage was I didn’t allow the “ESOL student” label to stick. I didn’t become comfortable with the fact that people already expected my English not to be fluent, or to be free of heavy accent simply because it wasn’t my first language.

I didn’t succumb to the fact that teachers already expected for my English to be broken. In fact, I said to myself “ I refuse to let this label stick and I will not only learn one language but I will learn TWO languages. I will study how Americans and Hispanics speak, the way they move their tongues and lips to pronounce certain words and I will surround myself with people who spoke only English and other times with people who only spoke Spanish.

At the time, my Brazilian mother thought I was casting out all my Brazilian friends but truth is I already knew Portuguese and had an extensive vocabulary for a 14 year old. Not to mention my goal was to learn English and Spanish simultaneously as fast as I could.

Unfortunately, not many children have the power and drive to overcome the label. Many kids will allow the label to stick, I know it, I witnessed it happening with my own set of eyes that the earth ought to have one day and you have too!

Think about all the labels that are created in the school environment which some of them even end up on the year book such as the most likely to succeed, the funny one, the tardy one, the athletic one and of course the “not so nice” labels.

It is as if the entire school system thrived from labels. It is quite disgraceful when you really come to think about it!

But recently, I became exposed to labeling again, only this time it isn’t I who are being labeled but my 10 year old son whom has austim.

Notice how I said he has autism instead of saying he is autistic. That is because I know the moment I put him in that category, he will know he doesn’t even have to try as hard because people already expect him to not achieve much.

Well, the school system, of course, thinks very different. They label our children as they see fit and most of us goes right along with it because that is just how we were raised.

To be honest with you, I didn’t feel the impact of labeling until I tried to sign up my child for In School After Care Program. I sent in the application but it was returned and when speaking with the person in charge of the program the reason for my son’s denial into the in school after care program is simply that they don’t have any space available for ESE (Exceptional Student Education) students.

She proceed to tell me that the school could only care for a maximum of 15 ESE students per year and they already had a full waiting list as well.

I politely asked her “ If my son wasn’t part of the ESE program would he have been able to attend the after school program?” and her answer was a simple “YES”.

I was furious at the moment, not so much with the fact that he wasn’t going to be able to be part of the program but for the labelling!

It quickly hit me how although I don’t believe in labelling my child, and that he will never hear directly from my mouth that he is autistic, I am sure the world will do a terrific job at constantly reminding him of it.

How long will I be able to keep telling him and making him believe that what the world thinks of him doesn’t matter and that he can do whatever he wants to and he can even do it better than others?

Well, I would say until the day I die for that is the job of a parent: To make our children comfortable to change, to try new things, to empower them to believe they can do whatever they fix their minds to do.

It is our job as parents to assure our children that they do not have to succumb to anyone’s expectations of themselves and that the only labels they should allow to stick are the labels that they have created for themselves.

At least, that’s what I believe my job to be.